omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
