He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
