in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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