Christians are straight up FREAKS
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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