i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
