you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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