I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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