I like to think it a success when the cops are called
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
