Jerry, you need to find god
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
