Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
