im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
