Where is the hickey?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
