She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
