i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
