She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize