he shaved USA in his pubs
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
