That's intense
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
