Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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