WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
