my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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