I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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