Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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