Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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