but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
