dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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