Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
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