i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
