Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
