They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize