Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
