They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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