This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
