somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
smell my finger.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
