She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
