I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
