FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
