I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
