I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm getting married
To pizza
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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