omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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