How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
