I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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