Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She even gives head with a lisp.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
