Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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