these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
