I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
