So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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