I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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