i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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