Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
