I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize