Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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