dude i'm inner monologue high
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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