the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
