I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
