you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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