What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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