My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
