i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
