guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize