@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
