I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
