PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
