Someone shit on the floor
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
