Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
