He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
