I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
