I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
